Blob’s R US

I made a shocking discovery today. It seems that I’d missed a very important Darwinian announcement made in 2006. No one told me, and had I not been leafing thro’ a back dated copy of National Geographic today I’d probably still not know!

It is official… we were birthed from a blob. Ah yes, Mr Blobby from Noel’s house party might have seemed a cringe worthy character of no relevance or importance but, it seems that science has revealed that we all originated from a blob. Obviously not a bright pink one with yellow dots… that would be silly, it is more likely to be similar to the one Japanese astronomers have discovered - a green blob that looks like a jellyfish.

Well not a jellyfish exactly, it was very scientifically described as a giant blob with three wavy tentacles - but only if you balance on the Mauna Kea volcano (that’s in Hawaii for those geographically challenged readers), look thro’ the Subaru and Keck telescopes (the article didn’t specify if you need to look through both together) whilst wearing special ‘goggles’. They don’t call science exact for nothing!

What’s even more remarkable is, that even tho’ scientist predicted that colossal early universe formations might exist and therefore probably were on the hunt for said structure, it would seem that everyone missed this particular waving green structure measuring 200 million light years wide. Yes that’s 200 MILLION LIGHT YEARS WIDE!! And tho’ I might not be as erudite as eminent scientists, in my humble opinion despite its size this blob sure is good at hide n seek. I suspect it has been practicing for 12 billion years with other blobs, perhaps even our own Milky Way. That is until it decided it was too grown up to join in. You see apparently our universe is 2 billion years older.

The most interesting part of the whole discovery for me was that the blob has wind! Yes gas bubbles as much as 400,000 light years across - that’s nearly twice the size of our galaxy! I hope it doesn’t smell when it finally escapes… that sorta thing is bound to linger!

So when you encounter someone who thinks like an amoeba - you now know where they got it from.