A soft Goodbye

lay me down upon the sand and let your self-hate melt away
As daylight merges with the night time skies I’ll be on my way
breathe in deep and close your eyes and dream of better times
fill your ears with giggles from nonsensical childlike rhymes

don't look upon the path you left behind to wander wild and free
amongst the nodding bluebell heads that blush beneath the trees
hide your shame deep within the earth and cushion it with moss
carve the words "I don't care" until they stand proud and emboss

let memories fly like the wounded birds that haunt your thirsty mind
it is your own voice, not my own that whispers words to you unkind
be at peace as you retrace each step when walking along the tow
that where you were weak, I was strong when I felt you let me go.....

20:20 Hindsight

 I have feelings,
what I did wrong
was I mistook
them for thinking.  

Doubling Up

I find the idea of having double vision in both eyes as a curiously medical condition. In my head, I imagine four crystal clear images which would make knowing where to direct your gaze a bit confusing, I'm sure the reality is far less amusing.

I started thinking about double vision after I'd recently met up with a much missed friend Abi McFabbie who has returned home to Scotland from Saudi Arabia with her two daughters after an absence of six months. After the delight of enjoying all their company again, grilling each other with questions and catching up on six months worth of gossip, I couldn't help but be amazed by how similar the young Asira is to her mother. the only real difference was that whilst Asira is black, Abi is white. Luckily for Asira she's not yet one so there's plenty of time to change.

Since then I've been seeing a lot of double. Having the house to myself last night I watched the new BBC version of Sherlock Holmes back to back and was struck by the likeness of the daring Benedict Cumberbatch to an older version of Sherlock played by the dashing Basil Rathbone.



And the likenesses didn't stop there... handing over a twenty pound note to pay for shopping, I was struck by the similarity between these two....



Not sure Miriam Margolyes would enjoy being likened to Robert the Bruce tho' so best to keep that to ourselves.

Double Homework and Detention!

Who knew when i was that teenager who rushed triumphantly out the school gates feeling free from the shackles of essays, projects and other assorted homework that I'd find myself back to toiling my way through a mountain of homework that doesn't even belong to me!

Currently I'm leading heavy critical discussion on the merits and demerits of 'Abortion'; Debating whether Julius Caesar's behaviour and actions contributed to his own downfall and supporting an important compare and contrast thesis between Francis Bacon's 'Three Studies for a Crucifixion' and Pablo Picasso's 'Crucifixion'.

It's not that I mind helping too much, it's more that I feel increasingly that I'm doing the job teachers get paid to do. It seems that my youngest monkey has never been shown how to construct a logical argument, how to back up his points of view with appropriate quotes, how to arrange the running order of an essay of different kinds and more importantly how to research enough material from reputable sources. Apparently, the school recommended Wikipedia and there was much disbelief and protest when i pointed out that anyone could upload information to this site.

Perhaps I shouldn't be so surprised after all teachers are so far behind the technology charge that they probably feel techno-wizards when they put their lesson plans onto 'Power Point'... Hope no one tells them that even flash presentations are getting old hat incase they regress back to OHP's to find comfort and put all the school kids into detention for being smartarses!

Teachers eh!

No Good Reason

Strange things happen and I wonder if they are designed for no other reason than to make me wonder. I mean why is it that the only shoe lace to untie is my right shoe... why is it that pipes burst at night... why is that lightbulbs blow when it's dark?... So many universal happenings without any good reason.

I don't have that busy a life really, but it always seems that I only go to the toilet when I'm absolutely bursting. I hang on and hang on just a small child before making it to the loo only just in time. Post childbirth control makes this an even riskier business and even tho' I know that, I still hang on. Well last night I did it again and that's when it happened.

I danced into the toilet only to find that the bulb had gone and it was pitch dark. There's nothing I need to see and the room is very familiar so I was a bit surprised when my brain halted me with a bit 'NO, SORRY CAN'T DO IT IN THE DARK'.... Still jiggling around from one foot to the other I had no idea what I was going to do. Or more's the point how I was not going to do what was imminently inevitable!

Being the resourceful woman I am I hot footed it to the hallway where I always have a welcome scented candle. Grabbing both the candle and a box of matches I wiggled myself back to the dark toilet. Candle lit... matches thrown... button flicked .... and RELAX..... phew I made it.

Sitting in the dark I began to make shadow animals on the wall beside me and thought that going by candle light wasn't so bad. Two dogs, a fox and a crocodile later and it seemed that my inner child had decided that this was too much fun to be missing out on. So every 20 minutes I developed a psychological need to go pee. Just like those other strange things I mentioned earlier I have no explanation for this urgency to up my bathroom visits, which stopped the next day when I replaced the bulb. So I was left thinking, perhaps having no good reason at all... is a good enough reason after all!

Smiles for Blue Monday!

I never get tired of these guys...




As a good friend told me 'It'll be better tomorrow, promise'... Keep smiling!!

Bodily dysfunctions

This year I'll be 41 and while I feel ok physically, I'm starting to see my mental capacity starting to decline (those of you who know me will find it hard to believe that's possible!). Worst part is that my brain is having a hard time accepting my lack of ability to multitask like I use to. Three things going on at once is now my limit (actually that's my brain talking it's more like two). I'm so use to being able to do so much that now to have a limit is really difficult for me.

Yesterday was the perfect example. It was a beautiful bright day so i decided to strip all the beds. Then I started filling cracks with decorator filler when the phone rang. I popped downstairs to chat and by the time i was hanging up the phone I'd completely forgotten that I was busy before the conversation. And because both tasks were upstairs I didn't discover both half done jobs until I went to bed late at night. Meanwhile, decided to de-stuff the filing cabinets in my office because my wheelie bins are due to get emptied tomorrow, having forgotten that I'd invited someone over for a cup o' tea. I never remember to lock my doors so they duly arrived to find me slumped over a mount of back paperwork stuffing black bags beyond their capacity. It's a sorta weird risk taking I do, i know there is too much in the black bags but I still think i can get away with it (I NEVER do)... I was so pre-occupied with self imposed deadlines I was having a hard time finishing thoughts and sentences. It was embarrassing.

The highlight (or low light) of the day was when I went to the local supermarket. I was chatting away to a very old acquaintance and both my arms were in use grappling fruitlessly with a plastic bag for my ginger, when I felt something in my nose. I could feel it was one of those dry flakes hanging in there. So my plan was to just wipe my nose as soon as I had use of my hands. Well it had another plan. It just dropped right out. I don't think they noticed, but I was mortified to say the least. At least it wasn't as bad as the doctor drooling on Larry David in Curb your Enthusiasm. This wasn't intentional and didn't touch anyone!