Soul-mate or sold out?

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Life goes on.... with or without you...

Possibilities

today it rains..... just like yesterday

i could go out .... but i do not
instead i look out onto the weathers furore
and gaze absentmindedly at the street activity below

today is grey... just like yesterday
i could seek solace... but i do not
my focus shifts from far to near and i'm captivated
by the raindrops tapping for notice upon my windowsill

today is cold.... just like yesterday
I could get busy.... but i do not
my idle tranquility offers a snug blanket to cushion me
from which i can peep out into the world and marvel

Today is different.... not like yesterday
I could figure it out.... but i do not
you came into my life and i viewed you with suspicion
its what you deserve and foster.. i am not above that?

Tomorrow looks bright.... not like yesterday
I am impatient to rush... but cannot
outside this wetted window is a host of possibilities
i smile in spite of the rain.... for i know tomorrow come

Motionless

My thoughts, like planets collided and the movement rippled further than I could imagine, like a cyclist shifting gears... It was an unnatural yet unavoidable by-product of motion.

I want to be still... but I cannot stop my thoughts.

Perhaps I should visit some Buddhist monks to find my inner peace, search out my core purpose in life and become tranquil. But I doubt that I’d find much more than the deep seated question - 'who is eating all the other jaffa cakes?

Besides I’m not sure I could take the realisation that I’m as shallow as a summer puddle after all. I'd much rather cling to the possibility that one day i might turn out not to be dead of irrelevance.

Maybe I just need to accept that one cannot hang on to feelings, friends and forays, but rather let them go..... for they are not mine to keep. But instead i should treasure them as memories.

Talking of which, I’ve been thinking a lot about childhood days, enjoying the memories of a time when social skills were not expected, nor indeed necessary. Ah such sweet times, when it was legitimate to ignore the comments or actions of someone else simply on the basis you hadn't a clue what they were on about. If they didn't make sense - you just ignored them. It was practically law!

I have a hankering for such simplicity again, where it was high times when two people linked hands together, leant out and spun in a circle until they couldn't breathe. The thrill to once more enjoy gut wrenching laughter, loud enough to annoy the neighbourhood as far as the ear could hear. When days felt like weeks, but bedtimes came too soon. Easy relationships. ... where invitations to 'come play' were rejected with a mere shrug of the shoulders. Where mistakes were erased by blowing the crumbs off.

Hope lingers so they say, but really its stuffed into Pandora's box and even reading the ancient legends I’m not too clear how it gets shared around. Nor am I aware of the identity of the designated distributor of said 'hope', so I can’t go and make any enquiries. So I feel a bit stuck - cos I feel I need some but the man from del hope givers - he say 'NO'...

I want to be still, no questioning, analysing, speculating, assuming and hurting. I miss the old times...

Is there a way back??

Revival of the Monsoon's Rains

Perspective is often distorted over time and many an important cause or passionate belief is lost to poor hindsight memories. I know this - because I do this, altho' i wish i didnt.

Hush........

there is this emptiness now you see

its like a rock divide - just there
we both look at it and make no comment
about the horrific noise it steadfast bears

ignore it?

why yes let us never utter or name it

but leave it to the wind and weather
for surely it will soon be out of sight
filled over by the passing moments

look away?

yes, yes - may we two never chance
to glance upon its very existence
and soon it will be covered with distain
to drown the murderous persistence of it

 let it go?

we two should cocoon ourselves tight

to block out the memory of what was
each to feast upon the vacuum's fill
until it chokes, distorts and colours our view

 then there will be none.........

Over and Out

Control

You draw close and my skin reaches for you with every follicle...

desire flashes the length of me like a caged animal, pulsing
But I say nothing, do nothing - confusion strikes my thoughts
Scattering all the words I had to spit at you, aimed to bite hard

Anger melts into a pool of liquid regret, I am mute before you

I am betrayed by my own emotions which will not call to heel
Primed and loaded the vitriolic sheet slithers softly on deaf ears
and is not heard. Tho' the acid touch burns me deep, I am still

Hatred mixes with love and passion brews into a heady cocktail

I drink the bile back down and swallow hard on choked profanities
Blood courses through my world blinding my clarity with craving
Every fibre of me lurks to your touch, reviles in silent protest

Enveloped I am destroyed, conquered and defeated once more

My captor searches oblivious to the turbulence set to detonate
Toxic shock - lips touch - primal spark - basic greed into need
Sightless possession in a vice grip, yanks me to a tainted destination

Another Game

The game

Rip me deep and grate me with a slicer, then peel aside the skin

It's semantic when you choose where this journey should begin
Maybe follow another's road map, displayed in twisting scars
Or carve your own unique design to place me further behind bars

Slit away each layer and gorge upon the rows of reeking debris

Smear yourself with victory, the fruits from this flawless killing spree
Altho' each delicious dissection made with the grace of Fred Astaire
Did you even noticed...... I was never there?

Your game was only ever solitaire!

Down on the Farm (part 2)

Mad David's Patio

David always thinks big, he works out and is extremely full of muscle. One of his big projects was his patio. There are unfortunately no pictures here but it is a huge width of the house affair - going out about the same distance, with a 4 foot feature wall around. Mad David also plans things with a progression step by step approach...  so having began the job, he realised he'd need to shift all the earth so found an old Mini (probably in a skip i didn't encourage him to explain by asking) and turned it into a four wheeled trailer, about 5 foot in height.

He'd then drive home every day after work and spend a few hours shovelling more earth into the trailer.

His house has an extension where the garage used to be so to get the earth to the front he loads up his digger (see separate entry) and drives through the extension to the trailer which is parked at the front on the farm track (for easy access he claims!!)

Come the weekend he went to the dump to empty the earth. He has a massive industrial looking car that could pull anything so doesn't think anything is amiss till he comes to empty the trailer. Then it dawns on him. 2 weeks of industrious excavating has given him a completely full trailer that he cannot empty.(unless he stayed at the dump for two days emptying it) Oh dear.

Back home he welds a few bolts here, a few bits of metal there and the odd boat winch to make a tipping system. He can't of course test it until he gets to the dump when if it breaks he will damage the trailer and/or the car, cos he'll have to spend another two weeks refilling it again! But lucky as ever it works first time and he begins the first of many earth dumping trips..... and that's what he calls labour saving!...

QUESTION -

Is it morally and ethically wrong to spy on your neighbours?