Sunday, 18 April 2010

A Particular Set of Skills



Watched the movie 'Taken' starring Liam Neeson last night. It was the second time I've seen the film and watching it again brought to mind how gripped my brother and I were seeing it for the first time together.


Tension, drama, suspense and anticipation - the film had it all. Silence held us right to the very end. As the credits rolled my brothers announced - "If that happens to James, he's fu*ked, cos I can't do any of that"... we laughed and the residual tension the film had created, melted.


Remembering my brother's one liner made me laugh out loud even tho' I was on my own. It occurs to me that 'Laughter' really is THE most powerful way of dealing with the absurdities that life presents us.


Neeson may have a particular set of skills, but I doubt they would help him cope better with crazy revelations? Take work as an example... there was the time when Moomin Mama (the boss) employed a new member of staff on the basis that she had a designer handbag with her at the interview. I try to imagine Neeson's reaction, serious, broody and vengeful and it occurs to me that laughter is the one survival tool that Neeson didn't have... but I sure do!


.... LONG LIVE LAUGHS!

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

Evolution is great, just not for you!

Reading recent accounts of the death of Boa Sr and with her the Great Andamanese language ‘Bo’, as an unquestionably a historical flag moment was sad to read. Boa Sr was reported to be the oldest of the remaining 52 descendants of the oldest human cultures on Earth and it seem an inevitability that extinction of more than this one lady and one language is just around the corner.

Perhaps the United Kingdom-based human rights organisation ‘Survival International’ is justified in serving us an ominous warning. The facts cannot be denied, these and other ancient tribes are likely to die out or be diluted with incoming settlers under the weight of progression. But is extinction not as natural as birth?

These reports left me wondering if the seemingly noble attempts of those fighting to preserve the past are as wholesome as they appear on the surface. Are the efforts being made by western crusaders any less paternalistic than the colonial policies that first brought poverty, disease and a class divide that enslaved so many cultures around the globe?

Nothing shaped this idea more, than the comment made by the Survival International’s Director Stephen Corry, where that the death of Boa Sr and the resulting extinction of the Bo language meant that a unique part of human society was now just a memory and that “this must not be allowed to happen to the other tribes of the Andaman Islands”. Surely preservation isn’t natural and the idea of a manufactured preservation would be nothing more than a smokescreen for a human zoo.

Imagine a zoo containing people who are provided for in order to maintain their conditions to be as ‘natural’ as possible. Introductions and interactions would be limited to scientists, studying local traditions and customs and advisors to politicians, comfortable enough to make consult with the tribes in order to legislate in their best interests. We all know how much politicians act as objective guardians of the people they serve. And for purely economic and fiscal reasons, selected trading operatives – all fair-trade of course could be approved. What could go wrong?

However, well intended preservation attempts might be, there is the possibility that they are misguided and laced with double standards and irony. Our history books are littered with examples of integration and domination of peoples and their cultures, resulting in the rebirth of a new bastardised version of society.

In Scotland there rages a similar fight to preserve the Gaelic language from the very fate that the introduction of Gaelic heralded to Pictish tongues spoken long before Gaelic had ever been whispered over Scottish soil. Those consumed with conservation fail to acknowledge the path that laid history up to the present.

Perhaps this illustrates the romantic nature of humans. To remember the good, ignore the bad and re-write the downright awful. It’s so easy to romanticise the past eras when you are no longer living the reality first hand. Boa Sr herself was reported to have said that she thought a neighbouring tribe ‘Jarawa’ were lucky to live away from settlers. This statement is duplicitous; yes Boa Sr could be denouncing the arrival of incomers and their untraditional ways. Or perhaps it is nothing more than the nostalgic reminiscing of an old woman looking back upon a sugar coated romantic history. Given that the tribes embraced some benefits from settlers (guns and arms to name one) I think the latter is more likely.

Interestingly, another, less reported story this month involving the elderly female leader of the Ewenki tribe. Suo Maliya lives where her people have roamed for centuries in the forests of the Greater Hinggan Mountains, in Mongolia. This nomadic tribe are referred to as “China’s last hunting tribe” but Suo Maliya is the last female who still follows the traditional ways of the Aolu Guya Ewenki Suo’s tribe. When she dies, the remaining Ewenki will become a settled tribe, occupying a thriving community built for them by the Local Government 5 years ago.

In that short space of time, most of the tribe have decided that the comforts of settled housing and the enjoyment of increased incomes are a fair exchange for the freedom of roaming the forest and tradition. It is a choice most are happy to make.

In one family two brothers may have different opinions, but their choices influence the future for each other. One brother, Yi Su is clear, “I'm not interested in those things that Yi Lie does. I've heard enough from my grandfather about those forest stories”. Whilst his brother Yi Lie is one of the few tribesmen who are happy taking care of his the reindeers the forest.

At the moment Yi Lie is able to continue with tradition but the overall choice of the tribe to inhabit the village means that maintaining a nomadic lifestyle will become less and less sustainable and will inevitably lead to those traditions being changed or abandoned. The Scottish community of St. Kilda fell to the same cultural fate back in the 60’s when there were too few active people to sustain the communities way of life and the Island’s inhabitants had to be evacuated.

So to my mind these changes are not new; but if the traditions are well recorded then they don’t become extinct they live on as memories and recorded history. Surely this is where efforts should be made not to forget but to sing our historical stories loud and clear for all to celebrate and remember.

Friday, 12 February 2010

Close Encounters of the Catholic Kind


You know how it goes right? When people decide something about you and its so firmly cemented that reality and time can do nothing to dislodge it? Well a friend of mine, Gail, has categorised me just like that. She has me in the 'Catholic club'.

To be fair It's true, I was raised a Roman Catholic, but despite me seeing the hypocrisy of Religion and at the tender age of ten turned my back on it by refusing to be confirmed, Gail still sees my parent's child rearing beliefs as merged with my own.

She's not a terribly close friend and for the major part I don't mind too much. Who wouldn't enjoy being the muse of someone's amusing stories? As i point out often to Gail, I'm the giving sort and care in the community isn't a political stance its a lifestyle choice.

We have on a few occasions spoken about the bizarre rituals of Catholicism and chuckled heartily about them together - always with the codicil added by Gail of 'you Catholics are weird' leaving me yet again in no doubt that my denunciation of my parent's religion doesn't get me off the hook that easily or even at all.

This in mind, I wasn't surprised when we met for tea and Gail started regaling me of her recent encounter of the Catholic Kind. She had sad cause to attend a Catholic funeral. I think from the way she started the story, she was slightly impressed by the pomp and circumstance, that the ceremony was a very fitting end to a live well lived. Who wouldn't be delighted by a 'grand send off'? However, as she continued her storied it seems that brevity of grand send offs is better than long ones and Gail got bored.

So I was expecting 'yadda yadda yadda' followed by 'gripe gripe gripe'.. but to my utter surprise she said' You Catholics turned out to be friendlier than I thought'. And then stopped and smiled as if I'd understand her meaning.

I didn't. When I didn't smile back with understanding she looked a bit irritated and explained. 'You know the bit where you all stand up and introduce yourself to everyone', she insisted.

Nope. I've no idea what you're talking about I confessed. To which she spun me a wilting glare. 'You know.. the part in the service when you shake everyone's hand and say 'pleased to meet you'... 'pleased to meet you'....

ah .... I said quietly, swallowing down a fit of laughter. "You mean the part when you shake everyone's had and say 'peace be with you'?"

Oh joy, what followed was a delightful panic as realisation dawned that she'd mid-funeral been saying the wrong thing to the throngs of Catholics around her, mourning their loved one.

Try as I might to assure her that I was sure they all appreciated the smiles under the circumstances she is convinced that she ruined the service! Best part was when she stopped panicking, exonerated herself with a simple 'You Catholics!'

Monday, 21 December 2009

MERRY CHRISTMAS - GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!

Forgotten how much I like drawing and doodling.. perhaps I should be creating my Christmas Cards for next year!... In the meantime.. here's a sneaky peek readers

Sunday, 29 November 2009

PUBLIC NOTICE: LOCAL HERO NO LONGER REQUIRED




Yet again the North East of Scotland is where its all happening. Notwithstanding the feral bull episode or the lost whale washed up on Balmedie beach, it seems that the forces of nature are now joining in with the efforts of Donald Trump in ruining Aberdeenshire's tourist industry.

Anyone over the age of 35 will remember the iconic film 'local hero'. You know the one with the red telephone on the harbour scene? Well it seems that the village this was filmed isn't handling its fame very well... following bouts of depression, not taking care of itself and being over run with tourists, the village of Pennan is now splitting at the seams.

Recent concerns about the cliffs overhanging the village have begun to rupture, threatening to destroy the village below but the local authority is urging people not to panic as they have the situation in hand. Their plan is to bond the cracks in the rocks with 'nails'. Yes you read right - NAILS.

The idea is that long nails is all that is required to fix the rock problem. I'm actually surprised at this level of stupidity even from Aberdeenshire Council.. I mean, haven't they heard of 'Nomorenails'?

Friday, 30 October 2009

LOCAL WILDLIFE QUITS IN DISGUST

Speculation continues into the case of the beached sperm whale found on Balmedie Beach. Wildlife experts have reported that the animal had been suffer breathing problems and as a result of these problems come ashore to die.

I have a fancy that this report to be slightly misleading. I may not be a marine biologist but even i know that a whale out of water would suffer breathing problems... mostly due to its mammoth body weight crushing its lungs surely?

No, I believe that the whale was drawn to the area by the mounting tales of fame, fortune and mega bucks about to rain down upon this stretch of coast, following the recent decision to let Mr Trump fix the Foveran links, build a mini spanish holiday complex, a profitable housing estate, staff homes and oh lets not forget the golf course.

But having arrived the poor whale realised that he'd only be joining a white elephant spectacle and suffering an acute case of disillusionment decided to stage an intelligent protest on behalf of the local wildlife and commit hari kari...

Monday, 5 October 2009

News Flash from Cowland!

Breaking news in Cowland - of such importance as to be announced over the local radio waves.

WARNING!ALERT! DANGER
Warning all drivers travelling north. A bull has escaped and is creating problems on the A90 just beside the 'Cock n' Bull' pub! (Who could imagine such irony in one wee story?) Drivers are advised to slow down and expect delays whilst the rampaging bull is brought under control.

I know I should've thought 'Oh no'... but what I actually thought was 'Great!' I mean who wouldn't be delighted by the prospect of a photo shoot of headline story calibre?

It was on my way home - Check
The traffic would be slow if not at a standstill - Check
I had my camera - Check

Ah ah... finally, I'd make it - Paparazzi photographer for the Aberdeen Angus! And obviously they'd be so impressed with my top quality photos and my dedication from being 'at' the scene so quickly that's they'd offer me a job on the spot. I was already planning my next camera lens choice when I came upon the 'crime scene'.

.... the traffic was indeed slow moving. (more than the usual rush hour? I couldn't tell). As I drew ever closer my sweaty hand gripped my camera, ready to let forth a burst of activity. Eagle eyed I scoured the verges on either side only to discover the whole exaggerated truth.

There was NO bull, only a teeny tiny white Aberdeen Angus calf munching lush forbidden grass on the wrong side of the fence! I was so disgusted by the media hype that I didn't stop to take a photo and I and my fellow travellers speed away it dawned on me that the reason everyone was slowing down was because no one could see the 'raging bull'

So its clear, the Aberdeen Angus is nowt but a low life, double dealing, public misleading tabloid paper. Not worth spending the five minutes it takes to read every article cover to cover!