“All change is not growth,
as all movement is not forward.”
as all movement is not forward.”
Ellen Glasgow
…and so my recent struggles have proven. You see about a week ago I decided to defrost my freezer… it was long overdue, having lost one drawer to a frozen sealed tomb, I was in danger of another drawer flat lining on me. I’m ashamed to say despite my age I’m not a very domesticated person and found that my focus for the fun of defrosting soon went away. So in an attempt to speed up the process I consulted the oracle of all things domestic - my mother. She suggested that a basin of boiling water would do the trick in no time. Simply keep replacing the water to keep the heat up.
…and so my recent struggles have proven. You see about a week ago I decided to defrost my freezer… it was long overdue, having lost one drawer to a frozen sealed tomb, I was in danger of another drawer flat lining on me. I’m ashamed to say despite my age I’m not a very domesticated person and found that my focus for the fun of defrosting soon went away. So in an attempt to speed up the process I consulted the oracle of all things domestic - my mother. She suggested that a basin of boiling water would do the trick in no time. Simply keep replacing the water to keep the heat up.
Hmm….. as I put down the phone I wasn’t at all reassured about this idea being ’speedier’… in fact I had my suspicions that not only would I have to chip away ice and mop up wet patches with towels but now I’d have to keep filling and boiling a kettle… empty and replenish a basin… Oh no this was sounding way more complex..
I boiled the kettle whilst I was thinking… one cup o’ tea later, I had a steaming idea! I have a carpet cleaner (not entirely sure how to use it but I have it for show purposes)… and this gadget has attachments sorta like my vacuum cleaner… lateral thinking mode fully engaged = use said steaming attachments to blast thro’ the ice! Excellent! how could this fail?
I have to say there weren’t that many attachments in the massive box so it wasn’t as complex a set up as I’d first worried about. My idea of steaming the ice off worked.. and in the blink of an eye (ok a rather lazy, sleepy eye) the job was done.. all ice was transformed into a liquid sea with floating orange crumbs and fragments of cardboard boxes. I stood back and surveyed my newly rescued drawers with pride. Swung shut the gleaming door and went to bed.
Overnight, it would seem that my fridge became very jealous of all the attention lavished upon the freezer and started to freeze its own content… with the exception of bacon and eggs (well actually I wasn’t so sure about the eggs so decided to throw them away just in case). I have no idea how long my fridge has harboured a secret desire to become a freezer. Or perhaps it wasn’t a case of envy, but rather that it felt disgruntled at being overlooked in the makeover the freezer received.
Or… maybe this was the perfect moment to exact its revenge for feeling so utterly used, as my family and I thoughtlessly rooted around inside before ultimately leaving it empty. I mean, the last thing I needed now I had liberated all the drawer space in my freezer was more freezer room! A cunningly planned justice, laced with sweet irony. How cruel and inconvenient life has become without knowing if the food I place in my fridge will be chilled or frozen by morning… so cruel that I had to take drastic action.
“every little helps”… the swipe of a bankcard brings the final betrayal of my customised fridge/freezer, and purchase a replacement. A new combination free from job confusion!… I take my receipt from the lovely shop assistant and ask ‘when can I expect it to be delivered’.. a simple question surely. Not entirely unexpected I’m sure as is the way with buying and selling items… once you pay you get the goodies. This has been the way of exchange for a very long time… but it would seem that I was now asking awkward questions… the fixed smile she worn slid from her face like an ice-cream from a tilted cone… ‘I don’t know. Do you want me to check?’… ‘erm.. yes please’. …. ‘well.. they are in stock, but it won’t be before a year on Monday’… ‘PARDON???’…. ‘I said it wont be before a week on Monday’… hmm… is it me or does the phrase its in stock imply that they’re there stored and ready to be unstored?? Apparently, it is me. As a shopper I’m expecting too much for my money in wanting to receive the goods there and then or at least the next day. She shrugs at me ‘ is that ok?’…. what can I say besides … ‘do I have a choice, you have my money now’….
Back home when I walk back into my kitchen and place my shopping bags on the worktop, I can’t look at my fridge/freezer… all wide eyed with expectation at what I have brought home for them from my shopping trip. I feel awful in the knowledge that I will soon be unable to gaze upon the yellow and red doors that I lovingly spray painted… I place tins and jars into the cupboards putting off the inevitable… I deserve a fridge that behaves, it’s not my fault this one has going barking mad and believes it is a freezer… I mean, I had no choice…. right?..
I boiled the kettle whilst I was thinking… one cup o’ tea later, I had a steaming idea! I have a carpet cleaner (not entirely sure how to use it but I have it for show purposes)… and this gadget has attachments sorta like my vacuum cleaner… lateral thinking mode fully engaged = use said steaming attachments to blast thro’ the ice! Excellent! how could this fail?
I have to say there weren’t that many attachments in the massive box so it wasn’t as complex a set up as I’d first worried about. My idea of steaming the ice off worked.. and in the blink of an eye (ok a rather lazy, sleepy eye) the job was done.. all ice was transformed into a liquid sea with floating orange crumbs and fragments of cardboard boxes. I stood back and surveyed my newly rescued drawers with pride. Swung shut the gleaming door and went to bed.
Overnight, it would seem that my fridge became very jealous of all the attention lavished upon the freezer and started to freeze its own content… with the exception of bacon and eggs (well actually I wasn’t so sure about the eggs so decided to throw them away just in case). I have no idea how long my fridge has harboured a secret desire to become a freezer. Or perhaps it wasn’t a case of envy, but rather that it felt disgruntled at being overlooked in the makeover the freezer received.
Or… maybe this was the perfect moment to exact its revenge for feeling so utterly used, as my family and I thoughtlessly rooted around inside before ultimately leaving it empty. I mean, the last thing I needed now I had liberated all the drawer space in my freezer was more freezer room! A cunningly planned justice, laced with sweet irony. How cruel and inconvenient life has become without knowing if the food I place in my fridge will be chilled or frozen by morning… so cruel that I had to take drastic action.
“every little helps”… the swipe of a bankcard brings the final betrayal of my customised fridge/freezer, and purchase a replacement. A new combination free from job confusion!… I take my receipt from the lovely shop assistant and ask ‘when can I expect it to be delivered’.. a simple question surely. Not entirely unexpected I’m sure as is the way with buying and selling items… once you pay you get the goodies. This has been the way of exchange for a very long time… but it would seem that I was now asking awkward questions… the fixed smile she worn slid from her face like an ice-cream from a tilted cone… ‘I don’t know. Do you want me to check?’… ‘erm.. yes please’.
Back home when I walk back into my kitchen and place my shopping bags on the worktop, I can’t look at my fridge/freezer… all wide eyed with expectation at what I have brought home for them from my shopping trip. I feel awful in the knowledge that I will soon be unable to gaze upon the yellow and red doors that I lovingly spray painted… I place tins and jars into the cupboards putting off the inevitable… I deserve a fridge that behaves, it’s not my fault this one has going barking mad and believes it is a freezer… I mean, I had no choice…. right?..
I open the yellow door to place in some fresh vegetables and gasp in shock… nothing is frozen any more!!!… The milk is cool, the butter is hard but not solid… what is this trickery?? What have I done!!!!! I’ve bought a new fridge/freezer when the old one has settled back down after its hissy fit of jealously… and it arrives t’moro. I feel like i’ve dismissed an old and trusted friend all because I hadn’t the patience to understand.
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