Jobsworth #1 – How the Post Office use adverse weather as a convenient opportunity to hold the Great British public to ransom.

On average I’m getting my mail delivered about once a week. Given the current wave of seasonal weather, obviously snow interruption is to be expected and the unpredictability of weather makes it very difficult to forecast windows of delivery opportunity. I get that. No really, I really do.

Being a helpful citizen and full of the Christmas spirit, I decided that it was probably easier for me to collect my mail from the local depot, so I phoned and got more than I bargained for.

I explained that I’d like to collect my post, but was informed that I couldn’t because it was in the van. Great! So you’re going to attempt to deliver today? But no, apparently the Health & Safety risks meant it was unlikely the van would make it up the farm track to my house and drivers had been informed not to put themselves at any unnecessary risk by attempting snow bound roads.

“So what you’re saying is that your rural posties are pointlessly driving up and down the main roads with fully loaded post vans, containing mail for people like myself who are willing to dig themselves a path to the Depot, for no other reason than to prevent self collection. And to make absolutely sure of the success of this letter retention scheme, they only return to the depot after closing hours?” She didn’t laugh.

She continued instead, to inform me that our farm track was found to be particularly snowy when the postman had allegedly tried the day before. The van just couldn’t get enough traction to make it all the way up the hill. I politely asked if the postman’s legs didn’t work when he left his vehicle thus making a traditional mode of delivery also impossible. She didn’t laugh and there then followed an awkward pause.

Undeterred and sensing my cabin fever induced black humour was falling on deaf ears; I asked if I could collect my mail tomorrow instead. Again, the reply was a flat negative. It would be loaded onto the van as a matter of procedure and if I wanted my letters to be retained at the Depot for collection, I would have to phone and inform them. I pointed out that I was on the phone right now and ergo phoning to inform them. “I’m afraid you’ll have to phone at 7am on the day”, she said, swatted my pointing out the obvious with a flat tone. Can’t you just take a note of this call and my request and then not put my mail into the van tomorrow? “NO”, she replied without missing a heartbeat.

“I just want my mail”, I persisted. “What about I do the walking and meet the postman at the bottom of the farm track and ‘I’ collect my mail from the van?” “Oh, no, you can’t do that. It’s the law that we have to deliver mail to the address of the recipient” “But”, I object. “That’s my point. You aren’t delivering my mail! Does your boss know that your depot is purposely breaking the law?” She didn’t laugh.

I summarised. “So let me get this straight, a postman is driving around with my post in his van; he won’t walk up the farm track and he won’t let me meet him at the bottom. You simply won’t let me have my own post unless I meet your demands of phoning at 7am and come to the pick up point at a designated time? Your ransom note must be stuck in the post too!

She dryly replied “All our customers are having to make allowances under the circumstances and I can assure you that the staff at this depot are bending over backwards to get your mail to you as quickly as possible”. And then she hung up.

Update

Two days have passed since that phone call and I’ve just returned from a visit to the same Post Office depot. I couldn’t have arrived there any earlier as a van had been stuck on the track and the farmer had to tow the van out before ploughing the track. To be honest, I was triumphant at having got to the depot at all, particularly in light of the fact the Postman hasn’t managed in over 10 days! Trouble is that I’d arrived after the depot closing time.

Hearing voices around the back, I wander around to ask if one of those bending over backwards staff members might help. “Hello, can you help me? I know you’re closed, but I’ve been 10 days without post, any chance of me picking it up now?”

I felt my eye brows and hairline frizzle under the glares of the two depot workers. “We’re closed”. The reply was as clipped at the looks it accompanied. “Yes I know, but I’ve just managed to get here for the first time and I just want my post. Couldn’t one of you pop into the depot for me?”

“Look mate, we’ve got stuff to do when we close the office. You’ll have to come back when we’re open”. My frustration bubbled over like porridge out of the magic porridge pot. “Just a suggestion, but making allowances work both ways. Could you just not waste time loading and unloading the same bundles of undelivered mail and stop pointlessly driving around the main roads all day confirming that the side roads are indeed impassable? You could then open for longer and have enough time to do your admin in between bending over backwards to provide a revised adverse weather service to the same customers you expect to just accept their lack of a service!