Monday 19 September 2005

Rapture

I wish I knew a word to help you heal inside,
or a million words in a poem that I could write.
I'd kiss your lips forever or till all the pain was gone,
tearing down the walls from those not worthy of your love.

I held you close and felt your heart beat to time,
but as we lay there longer I saw the beating was both yours and mine
Don't be afraid of you or me or if they'll be an us,
love can come and go and it's all built on trust
No I do not love you but in time I surely would,
because the very breath you are breathing I am breathing too

Sunday 18 September 2005

Jigsaws

The way I see it, people's lives are like a jigsaw (not a box of chocolates!) - lots of individual pieces all making up the sum total of who they are. Each person becomes a product of their past - they are shaped by events and people who scatter this jigsaw.
This is  what happened to me....

Over the years different people have had some of my pieces - some had stolen them and wouldn't give them back, some I’d presented pieces to, but they'd bend, break or lose them and didn’t seem to care.

All my life's energy seems to have been spent trying to keep tabs on all these different pieces, and boy was that hard work cos they were all so far apart. Some even where I had to hunt for them, cos I couldn’t remember where they were or even find them.  

Eventually, when I’d more or less gotten all my pieces back and before I began to get to know myself... I’d keep them in a sellotaped box under a floorboard under my bed, where no-one could mess with them! I just didn’t know what to do with them.

I didn’t trust myself enough to look at my jigsaw pieces. To just see if I could make anything of it. I was scared that it might not fit back together again, and that they'd become scattered again, and even that the picture might not be pretty . Being curious, I eventually sneaked a peek and got the boat right first time, but the grass, mountains and river really foxed me.

Not so long ago I met someone who I thought I might trust enough to share my jigsaw with. I was impressed cos they seemed sure that they knew how it'll look when it's finished.

It's a strange feeling that altho' its not completely finished yet, at least all the pieces are laid out on a board in full view, no longer hidden away and guarded, and I like them being there. I feel they're safe and secure, and will be well looked after. It's a shared jigsaw now and I don’t feel scared.

There is no hurry to finish the jigsaw, there are a hundred and one other things to enjoy... gardening while the weather's fine, picnicking when the sun shines, DIY when I can be arse and painting I’m feeling creative etc.

I have to admit I feel nothing but admiration and gratitude to this wonderful person who often seems to know me better than I could ever know myself... thro' them I have discovered that it's no good trying to wedging the pieces in where they just won't fit - No one but me even touches the jigsaw now. But I am delighted that they still observes me sneaking up to the board every so often and putting one of the pieces into place where it fits so snugly... I can only hope they congratulate himself for 'helping' me work out where it goes! As I congratulate myself for knowing someone who, like Socrates, knew that you cannot teach anyone anything, all you can do is make them think.

Tuesday 6 September 2005

The Very Nature of Things

A Snake's Tale   There once was a man who went walking deep into the woods which surrounded his home. It was winter and a hard cruel ice captured the passing autumn colours in its freezing grip.... As the man crunched over the frozen landscape he scanned the slippery surface for anything that might catch his attention. This was his way - he always was looking.  
The day was beginning to surrender to the night's call and judging the distance back to his home, which was buried deep within the forest, the man about turned and began to retrace his own steps, still visible in the ice laden carpet. The return journey was always quicker, for the scenery was already discarded to his sight and he made good time. It was still some distance from his home, when the winter walker realised he needed to relieve himself. Without a thought to cover himself, for there were no prying eyes to cause him to hide in shame, he lowered his trousers...  

 It was in that moment that the man spied a most unusual pattern in the ice. ... although the colours merged seamlessly, the pattern stood out as vividly as if it were a bloody red rose. His momentary need for relief was forgotten, as he bent forward with intrigue, to catch a closer look. The warmth from his hand softens and loosens the surface leaves and debris to reveal a most unusual find.  

Gently, the man worked to dislodge his prize from its incarceration. Free at last, he held up a solid mass of a snake. Its coils were perfectly formed like a rock candy lollipop, but cold and heavy. With a new disregard for his surroundings the discoverer headed for the warmth of his home.  

Once home, the man dedicated himself to tending to the stricken reptile. He laid it in a basket close to the wood burning stove. He removed the tiniest sheets of ice as they loosened themselves from the out coils. Throughout a night watch he attentively ministered to his small treasure, mindful of keeping the speed of temperature to a steady pace.  

As the night stars receded once more into an invisible back drop, the snake began to ripple its own movements. Slowly. Painfully. Exhausted the man fell into a deep contented slumber, smug in the knowledge that he had done a good thing. The rest of the early day dripped slowly around with the clock hands, and eventually the miracle maker woke to gaze once more upon his beautiful charge.  

The snake, was quiet, disorientated and somewhat bemused by his frozen slumber. The man continued to tend the tiny beast, building its strength and its vigour back to its formal glory. The snake, submitted to the man's attention, caresses and inspections - with a quiet detached respect. The man would spend many hours talking to the snake, musing over its beautiful colours and patterns, recounting the tale of his lucky survival and the snake listened with an impassive ear.  

Many days had passed when the snake hissed to the man 'Do not pick me up, i do not like to be fondled that way'.... the man staggered back with amazement! How could you be this way with me? Have i not tended you, rescued you and brought you back to life?....  a long pause followed and the snake did not answer.  

The man became angry at the snake and wailed about the injustice of his treatment, in return for his compassion. Again, the snake remained silent.

The man shook the basket, trying to stir a reaction from the snake. The shaken snake remained unmoved despite the vigour of the movement. Beside himself with rage the man thrust a hand towards the basket rim. 'Do not touch me, I do not like to be touched this way' came a low hiss from within.

Unable to contain himself the man, ploughed on his course to sail a hand into the snake's lair. As his hand gripped around a cool, soft coil, the snake struck hard and fast. He bite the hand that grasped him in a way he did not like.  

Shocked and stunned the man backed into one of his fireside chairs. Continuing to view the snake as he had done for many a day and night now.... 'You vile creature, why do you do this to me?.... how can you not love me in the way I have grown to love you?' 'Have you no heart?'  

The snake, slithered from his sick bed towards the house door, seemingly unaffected by the man's apparent horror, at the events which had jst unfolded.  

'Do... do.... do you not hear me at all?'  The man stuttered. 'Can you show no gratitude?'  

To which the snake paused, raised its neck to meet the man's confused gaze and replied, ' I am a snake, why do you expect me to behave in a way other than that which i am designed to do by nature? Did you really think that you could change the very nature of a snake?'.... and that said the snake departed the lodge.    

Looks like Rain!

Raining...
Today it rained, raining much like everyday and yet...
The softness and rhythm of the droplets seemed to me to whisper
That a reprieve might reign for a while and happen along my way.
Light pierced the glumness to settle as a kaleidoscopic ribbon
That draped its glory over everything its brilliance reached, i smiled.

I surveyed the wild surrounding, as I'd done so many times before
And altho' the view familiar, an uneasy shift had taken place
The wind had changed direction and I could smell it in the air
A change so overpowering, it was as tangible as what I saw there
I wonder the cost I'd have to pay to this calmness that was brewing

I watched as the murky skies were breathing rich life onto the land
When the clouds briefly held their tears and I swore I felt it yet again
I turned my back upon reality, to seek the safe exclusion of my room
To wait till for what was coming knowing I would not be able to resist
You, a lost blackbird, tapped upon my window, I stooped to set the fire

The flames I failed to notice as you drink in the essence of my soul
As there you stood, I felt the levy being drained from deep within me
And then wished that I might have chosen to deal myself a better hand
I turned my face from your direction whilst you rape my fragile heart
And gazed upon the rain clouds and knew the rain would come agai

Sunday 4 September 2005

Empty Spaces

Don't go.....

don't go where i cant follow
and leave me stranded in this way
bring me hope of a tomorrow
she cried with unashamed dismay

don't go where i cant follow
and leave me with this bitter taste
cant you see this perfect hollow
don't leave its comfort in such haste

don't go where i cant follow
know that you belong right here
my strength is yours to borrow
she pleaded wiping away a tear

don't go where i cant follow
she whispered softly to the black
and listened as her own sorrow
was the only echo coming  back







The Northern Star

Humility contributes to a solution....... and silence goes barefoot...