I have a sore throat and have lost my fizz... but wallowing in self pity seems to be helping pass the time.
ps... do not gargle with warm water and salt.. it makes you boak!
Saturday 23 September 2006
Wednesday 20 September 2006
There's rain in them there hills!
I'm always getting into trouble or making an arse of myself... and recently I had the delight of an IM with someone... as I'm none too popular I entered into the spirit of the occasion with gusto.... and have to say that my virtual chatter was pulling out the stops to prevent the conversation getting dull...
He managed to avoid the 'clipboard syndrome' and the 'inappropriate familiar tact' which was, in itself refreshing... things were going swimmingly but it was getting late and my attention was wandering off to bed before I'd even switched off my computer.... when 'it' happened!!
'It' has happened to me before when having a conversation with my cyst who enjoys boring me rigid with tales of genealogy. What happened was she was showing me a file on some long time dead ancester and I was feigning an interest when I glanced at the lady in question's death certificate. I read:
'Multi Organ Failure' as 'Multi Orgasm Failure'!! which made me laugh out loud cos moments earlier my cyst had been telling me she had 15 children! And I immediately linked all that practicing without even one orgasm!... then I re-read... oops!... and when asked to explain what I found so funny - I blushed furiously and mutter something inaudible.
This time I managed to misread:-
What question do you want to ask someone who has died? It could be someone you knew or didn't know. Your pick!
as
What question do you want to ask someone who has died? It could be someone you knew or didn't know. You prick!
I flushed with indignation and made my excuses and went to bed.. thankfully without causing a riot over the imagined insult!... phew, at least I got away without appearing irrational and unstable.. but then again.. is that another rumble of thunder??
He managed to avoid the 'clipboard syndrome' and the 'inappropriate familiar tact' which was, in itself refreshing... things were going swimmingly but it was getting late and my attention was wandering off to bed before I'd even switched off my computer.... when 'it' happened!!
'It' has happened to me before when having a conversation with my cyst who enjoys boring me rigid with tales of genealogy. What happened was she was showing me a file on some long time dead ancester and I was feigning an interest when I glanced at the lady in question's death certificate. I read:
'Multi Organ Failure' as 'Multi Orgasm Failure'!! which made me laugh out loud cos moments earlier my cyst had been telling me she had 15 children! And I immediately linked all that practicing without even one orgasm!... then I re-read... oops!... and when asked to explain what I found so funny - I blushed furiously and mutter something inaudible.
This time I managed to misread:-
What question do you want to ask someone who has died? It could be someone you knew or didn't know. Your pick!
as
What question do you want to ask someone who has died? It could be someone you knew or didn't know. You prick!
I flushed with indignation and made my excuses and went to bed.. thankfully without causing a riot over the imagined insult!... phew, at least I got away without appearing irrational and unstable.. but then again.. is that another rumble of thunder??
Friday 15 September 2006
Farm Attack
Ah the joy of summer months..... I was stepping out into my garden to enjoy the warmth of a dying day when I was attacked by what looked like a small hummingbird!.. .anyone who knows me, knows I'm scared of birds (they flap a lot and their eyes look evil!) Luckily I didnt have to suffer the embarrassment of anyone seeing me land grovelling on my top step, but I managed to spilt the cup o' tea I'd been carrying all over the wall just inside the door way, which looked a little like a stretched map of south America, or as I stood up again - the face of elvis in this young quiff days!... I can now claim 'elvis is alive and living in my front hall'.... he's just a toot quiet now.
Anyways... where was I? oh yes! The mutant bird attack. As I recovered my composure and bladder control, I could still hear a sound like a flapping/humming beating sorta noise... which twittered around the large honeysuckle I have climbing the side of my house. I watched mesmerised as this small bird sized moth type bat thing with an amazingly long tongue drank nectar from the flowers.
I have an amateur interest in wildlife but had no idea what it was... it was furry like a bat/mouse- the size of a small bird - wings that beat and hummed like a humming bird and look of a moth or butterfly. It was a curious sight, even the cows were watching!
(illogical) deductive thinking
· bats and moths come out at dusk and night = neither of those!
· hummingbirds live in exotic places - this farm = not possible!
· mice cant fly = not a mouse
· butterflies flutter NOT buzz and hum = not this either!
Anyways... where was I? oh yes! The mutant bird attack. As I recovered my composure and bladder control, I could still hear a sound like a flapping/humming beating sorta noise... which twittered around the large honeysuckle I have climbing the side of my house. I watched mesmerised as this small bird sized moth type bat thing with an amazingly long tongue drank nectar from the flowers.
I have an amateur interest in wildlife but had no idea what it was... it was furry like a bat/mouse- the size of a small bird - wings that beat and hummed like a humming bird and look of a moth or butterfly. It was a curious sight, even the cows were watching!
(illogical) deductive thinking
· bats and moths come out at dusk and night = neither of those!
· hummingbirds live in exotic places - this farm = not possible!
· mice cant fly = not a mouse
· butterflies flutter NOT buzz and hum = not this either!
result? = get camera and take a photo!...
man that was harder than I expected. This tiny creature flitted around at an incredible speed. But eventually I got the one posted above and some others (mostly obscure and blurry).
Eventually after much searching I found it in a wildlife book = it was a hummingbird hawkmoth (rarely seen in britain)! it must've heard about elvis in my hall!...
Eventually after much searching I found it in a wildlife book = it was a hummingbird hawkmoth (rarely seen in britain)! it must've heard about elvis in my hall!...
Sunday 3 September 2006
Rated 'R' is for righteous (an internal conversation)
I'm in my mid 30's and am finding that I have less and less tolerance and patience for the virtual world’s vagaries. I've never suffered fools particularly gladly... but recent events have popped me into a state of fizz. Not like the usual things that annoy me.. like someone using their mobile phone whilst not giving a second thought to anyone around them. Sunday drivers who tootle around the country lanes at 40 miles mph and then speed up on the straights, when they know you might over take them... or shop assistant who don’t get the concept that the money I place in the till pays their wages and a 'thank you' wouldn’t go amiss... Is it just me, or are people on AOL becoming increasingly self-absorbed to the point of making more outrageously factious and ignorant things than I’ve read before??
Maybe I’ve chatted too long and my optimism of encountering interesting and emotionally balanced people has simply worn thin. But lack of civility offends me deeply, and yet I find that despite my efforts to be courteous and polite I’m still chatting in a culture that seems to other people as disposable wholly based on them being 'virtual strangers'. Don’t get me wrong... I’m not expecting Victorian parlour room etiquette. But how about a lowest common denominator of common courtesy, respect and decency, bred from the realisation that there are other people in the world besides oneself?
Short of moving favourite rooms or ISP (would it help? answers on postcards please), can anyone offer any advice on how I can cope with the present rudeness and crudeness of those who seem determined to rant my perceived faults like it’s the gospel and not jst their point of view. Or should I just try to chat in even more isolation and hope that eventually old age will bring a tired, docile sort of acceptance?
yours sincerely
Ready for a tall tower or an AK-47
Dear 'ready for a tall tower'...
Move over and make more room please - I need the room to get a better aim. And stop hogging all the ammunition. As my mummy said 'it’s nice to share'... so stop being rude!
Like you, lately, I’ve been judging people harshly and giving them a hard time. I heard someone say its premature disapproval of how others do things that comes from too much exposure to vitriolic comments. I don’t approve!
You see you and I... we're the problem. It's us, not them. There's something wrong with us. We're nuts.
Yeah you heard right!... we're like little crazy people going around with a nagging voice in our heads, telling us to consider other people.
No really, I’m serious.... its a form of craziness to walk about thinking that others should be different, and do differently than they currently do. Thankfully, in most of us it’s so mild that you can’t be sectioned for it... But it’s still crazy. Yes it is!... it’s crazy cos you're presuming the impossible!. So stop it!!
You can control it... cos you don’t look up into the sky and complain that 'those birds are flying all wrong'... 'look at those geese - some are out of formation' You don’t look at trees and frown at the way they grow, so crooked and slow and uneven! Wondering what is wrong with them? Don't they know?
No.....
Ah but people are civilised and s'posed to know... they've been educated and meant to be smart! But have they? And by whom?
Who has taught them what they're sposed to know, and did they tell them they're s'posed to know it so they realise they know it? Was there a guide book or uniformed instructions on said knowledge?....
Exactly - so is it therefore reasonable to expect that people know? and besides even if they did know, humans being humans there will always be some who wont conform and to the diametrically opposite. They will fly their 'freak' flags higher than high even if it’s the wrong day for 'freak' flags ... jst cos they can!
Some people think it's good to drive 40 down country lanes. I know that's hard to accept. But if you look at what people do, as opposed to what you wish they would do, you might see that our rules are not the only rules. Other people have rules too. Their rules may not be the rules of the masses, but they have arrived at them and they believe in them. And so what are you s'posed to do with that? Stone them? or burn them at the stake?
maybe we all jst need to be clearer... perhaps carry signs around our necks. That would make things easier.... cos then two people with very different views would see. If we drove up behind a person with a sign saying I think everyone should drive at 40mph cos there would be less accidents- if you agree you will beam a smile back at me'.... we could say 'ah, there's an opinion' and as we pass them at warp factor 5.... they could attempt to read the sign on our car that says "Have You Ever Driven the Autobahn? It's So Much Better Than This!" Each would be able to gauge how much of a distance would be needed for respect and comfort.
cos basically we're all breaking other's rules all the time and annoying the hell out of each other. But what's more irritating when doing this we pretend that our rules are right!!
Maybe we should jst stop having rules about other people so we can all get to a place where we're in love with humankind. I guess what we are looking for, unconsciously perhaps, is for others to match us in our discomfort with the world; wanting to see reflected back, in their eyes a little bit of tragic knowledge, a little bit of sombre self-reflection, a little bit of acknowledgment of suffering, a bit of dignity.
I am a cranky Scottish woman, yearning for peace and gentleness.
And so to you, my annoyed and outraged friend, I say give me some elbow room and pass the ammunition.
Its open season!!!!!!
Maybe I’ve chatted too long and my optimism of encountering interesting and emotionally balanced people has simply worn thin. But lack of civility offends me deeply, and yet I find that despite my efforts to be courteous and polite I’m still chatting in a culture that seems to other people as disposable wholly based on them being 'virtual strangers'. Don’t get me wrong... I’m not expecting Victorian parlour room etiquette. But how about a lowest common denominator of common courtesy, respect and decency, bred from the realisation that there are other people in the world besides oneself?
Short of moving favourite rooms or ISP (would it help? answers on postcards please), can anyone offer any advice on how I can cope with the present rudeness and crudeness of those who seem determined to rant my perceived faults like it’s the gospel and not jst their point of view. Or should I just try to chat in even more isolation and hope that eventually old age will bring a tired, docile sort of acceptance?
yours sincerely
Ready for a tall tower or an AK-47
Dear 'ready for a tall tower'...
Move over and make more room please - I need the room to get a better aim. And stop hogging all the ammunition. As my mummy said 'it’s nice to share'... so stop being rude!
Like you, lately, I’ve been judging people harshly and giving them a hard time. I heard someone say its premature disapproval of how others do things that comes from too much exposure to vitriolic comments. I don’t approve!
You see you and I... we're the problem. It's us, not them. There's something wrong with us. We're nuts.
Yeah you heard right!... we're like little crazy people going around with a nagging voice in our heads, telling us to consider other people.
No really, I’m serious.... its a form of craziness to walk about thinking that others should be different, and do differently than they currently do. Thankfully, in most of us it’s so mild that you can’t be sectioned for it... But it’s still crazy. Yes it is!... it’s crazy cos you're presuming the impossible!. So stop it!!
You can control it... cos you don’t look up into the sky and complain that 'those birds are flying all wrong'... 'look at those geese - some are out of formation' You don’t look at trees and frown at the way they grow, so crooked and slow and uneven! Wondering what is wrong with them? Don't they know?
No.....
Ah but people are civilised and s'posed to know... they've been educated and meant to be smart! But have they? And by whom?
Who has taught them what they're sposed to know, and did they tell them they're s'posed to know it so they realise they know it? Was there a guide book or uniformed instructions on said knowledge?....
Exactly - so is it therefore reasonable to expect that people know? and besides even if they did know, humans being humans there will always be some who wont conform and to the diametrically opposite. They will fly their 'freak' flags higher than high even if it’s the wrong day for 'freak' flags ... jst cos they can!
Some people think it's good to drive 40 down country lanes. I know that's hard to accept. But if you look at what people do, as opposed to what you wish they would do, you might see that our rules are not the only rules. Other people have rules too. Their rules may not be the rules of the masses, but they have arrived at them and they believe in them. And so what are you s'posed to do with that? Stone them? or burn them at the stake?
maybe we all jst need to be clearer... perhaps carry signs around our necks. That would make things easier.... cos then two people with very different views would see. If we drove up behind a person with a sign saying I think everyone should drive at 40mph cos there would be less accidents- if you agree you will beam a smile back at me'.... we could say 'ah, there's an opinion' and as we pass them at warp factor 5.... they could attempt to read the sign on our car that says "Have You Ever Driven the Autobahn? It's So Much Better Than This!" Each would be able to gauge how much of a distance would be needed for respect and comfort.
cos basically we're all breaking other's rules all the time and annoying the hell out of each other. But what's more irritating when doing this we pretend that our rules are right!!
Maybe we should jst stop having rules about other people so we can all get to a place where we're in love with humankind. I guess what we are looking for, unconsciously perhaps, is for others to match us in our discomfort with the world; wanting to see reflected back, in their eyes a little bit of tragic knowledge, a little bit of sombre self-reflection, a little bit of acknowledgment of suffering, a bit of dignity.
I am a cranky Scottish woman, yearning for peace and gentleness.
And so to you, my annoyed and outraged friend, I say give me some elbow room and pass the ammunition.
Its open season!!!!!!
Saturday 2 September 2006
TWISTED TONGUES....
T'day has been a great day.... spent in the innocent company of children... it doesnt get much better than that!!.... and the said content to make the company so fantastic?.... tongue twisters!!! T'day i'm happy to say i re-experienced belly-aching laughter and it doesnt half make you feel good... here for you is the edited highlights....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unique New York, Unique New York, Unique New York!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inchworms itching, Inchworms itching, Inchworms itching...
(as supplied by my youngest who hasnt progressed beyond toilet humour)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and..... my absolute favourite.... who we telephoned a grandma to hear saying it!!
One smart man, he felt smart.. two smartmen, they felt smart... three smart men - they all felt smart together!!...
(actually i'm beginning to understand where my son gets his humour from!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and finally..... (couldnt resist this under the circumstances of having been guilty of mixing my homophones)
I cannot bear to see a bear.... bear down upon a hare. When bare of hair he strips the hare, Right there i cry, 'forbear!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unique New York, Unique New York, Unique New York!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inchworms itching, Inchworms itching, Inchworms itching...
(as supplied by my youngest who hasnt progressed beyond toilet humour)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and..... my absolute favourite.... who we telephoned a grandma to hear saying it!!
One smart man, he felt smart.. two smartmen, they felt smart... three smart men - they all felt smart together!!...
(actually i'm beginning to understand where my son gets his humour from!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and finally..... (couldnt resist this under the circumstances of having been guilty of mixing my homophones)
I cannot bear to see a bear.... bear down upon a hare. When bare of hair he strips the hare, Right there i cry, 'forbear!'
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